kaffeinefix

Fuck, fuck, fuck

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 11:28:37 GMT

Mike's right. I'm retarded. I do the same thing over and over. I'm looking through this thing and I see a really stupid cycle.

Goddam!

Now I gotta do something.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Sun, 29 Feb 2004 11:24:17 GMT

So recording has begun. It started a little slow, we're still on the scratch tracks. I normally like recordings to go at break-neck speed, but maybe going slow and steady is a good thing.

I just hate that feeling when you know it's being recorded, you know it's forever and the littlest nuance is gonna make or break the song. Maybe that's why I like the break-neck pace, you don't have time to think about mistakes.

We need a show.

I have the overwhelming sense of waiting looming upon me. There's something just beyonnd my sight, like it exists in a seperate dimension.

This... happening. This event, it's huge. Something so big it could already be here and I wouldn't even notice because the scope of it has it's own gravity. Changes are happening to signify this thing. And that's the crux of it, really. The changes.

And that's what I'm anticipating. Anticipating indefinitely. The changes like signs. Deeds. Actions. Words.

And is it hope? Do I need these changes to happen. Yes. So am I forcing these changes, or simply putting myself in the best situation for them to happen?

Thought this was funny

Wed, 25 Feb 2004 20:37:01 GMT

help wanted

Fri, 20 Feb 2004 03:40:45 GMT

Ok, so I've fucking had it with my work. I'm calling out for help.

I desperately want to get back into Graphic Design. The industry may have changed in the few months, but I still know the basic principles (and software). Short of a Design job, I'll do just about anything that will pay "Bay Area" wages.

So if you know something, If you have an idea, if you just have a word of warning, send it my way. You can e-mail me.

By the way, does anyone want My Yamaha RD350? I hate - HATE - the fact that I'm selling it, but I have to. Since it needs a little work, Im selling it for a good price.

brain keeps switching gears without my permission

Wed, 18 Feb 2004 19:06:01 GMT

This has been stuck in my head:

"Today I have been
molding plasticine
and I made a little man who looked just like me
His limbs were so weak
and he couldn't move his mouth to speak
And I could bend him into any shape I wanted him to be"

And if you know where that's from, well you just the coolest bear in the forest.

Things are forced lately. We got together last night. Nothing new. well I always bring something new, actually. For the most part, though, it was pretty routine. And forced. unnatural.

Like going through the motions when you're mind is somewhere else. It's just so tiring.

Huff & a puff...

Tue, 17 Feb 2004 04:18:18 GMT

I haven't written anything here for a while, so here goes...

The recording is going really slow. We've only weeded out a few songs that we probably won't put on the recording. Although, I've already written songs that may replace them. The delay is anticipated, though. Also, there's been urgent matters to attend to.

I am trying to book a show with The Agency in my town (Fremont, ya'll).

I've met a wonderful girl. I know I don't really talk about the women in my life (unless it's in referrence to a song), but this one's an exception. She's really turned my head around (and not in a creepy Exorcist way). I've been drawing more and she has a great appreciation of art and music (she's an artist, go fig). I could go on and on, but well, you know. Anyway, I'm kinda on a cloud.

On a bit of a sad note; If you didn't know, My house needs a room-mate. I'd like to say hear and now that I don't get the chance to say nice things about my roomies, but if we all had to move I would miss them and be really sad. I hope we find someone to rent this really cheap room.

the man is truly keeping me down

Thu, 05 Feb 2004 04:48:10 GMT

I think I may have to sue my boss. It sucks 'cuz I know he's struggling to keep his business open, but I need money.

Fuck, I need a drink.

Beyond the pale

Wed, 04 Feb 2004 08:51:49 GMT

OK, for those interested, the bullets points of my life are as follows:

* Signed with Unique Records/Unique productions.
* Hate my job.
* Hate all club/bar promoters.
* Hate my days off.
* Women hate me.
* My ex's call me only to tell me how terrible or how sick they are.
* Ex's call a LOT.
* Had to write an actual Love Song (don't ask).
* Got back into drawing.
* Saw Adam's work, am not good drawer.
* If it wasn't for my ex's wouldn't need cel phone.

Hope everyone's well.

heads...

Sun, 01 Feb 2004 11:22:11 GMT

Guess what? It's easy to say "fuck 'em". But I don't. For some reason I can't.

Even though I know I'm an outsider. I know that I won't be accepted - for whatever reason - I still keep...I dunno, Doing what I do, I guess. Just keep being nice. Just keep smiling... or what looks like a smile.

used guitars

Sun, 11 Jan 2004 11:14:09 GMT

I've had a lot of guitars in my life. All of them used, or at least played before.

It's really like being a kid in a candy store, walking into a music store and seeing all the beautiful instruments. This one plays intricate spanish songs, that one is dark and made to crunch out heavy riffs. One in the middle that looks at home playing a little of anything

You can sometimes feel the players that came before you. An odd string gauge that makes you wonder how it's been used. A scar deep in the back from a careless musician. Six string beauties left in a corner and forgotten.

Maybe I'll string it anxiously and play my songs. Maybe I, too, will be careless and leave an unexplainable scar. But each one will walk with me into that ether dimension created on the edge of a bed. Swooping, soaring, crashing, crying.

I've had many guitars and I've loved each one.

getting around to it

Thu, 08 Jan 2004 11:24:33 GMT

I'm just used to making mistakes. I don't need a girlfriend, I need an angel to save me from myself.

So far this year sucks. A lot. 13 cent solution. This tether wears thin. But then I've always placed my balance on the wrong aspect.

Something really fucking nice better happen soon.

blues for John Merrick

Tue, 06 Jan 2004 08:59:10 GMT

Been through this too many times. All I can feel now is familiar.

?

Wed, 24 Dec 2003 02:50:41 GMT

hehe "Nog" hehe

Swimmingly

Thu, 18 Dec 2003 02:26:09 GMT

The days have been hectic and I've been less than my usual "on top of things" self. There's so many things going on with the band and with my personal life.

My early retrospect on my life leads me to believe that I'm finally becoming a good judge of character. I can tell because I'm surrounded by really good people.

I'm in what the mystics call my 5th chakra, or whatever and art rules my hands and eyes in a reflective way.

I'm hoping things magically go my way, while I get to experience downtime.

"John, Why do you have a sword?"

Fri, 12 Dec 2003 03:58:31 GMT

You're Morpheus - smooth, confident, deadly. You
fight because you have no choice - if you
didn't fight, you would be dead. Because of
that fact, you have perfected your fighting
style into an art form - those who train with
you are constantly being pushed to their limits
and beyond, learning how much better they can
become. Those who antagonize you quickly regret
their actions, and end up dead. You are
comfortable with a wide variety of weapons.
Inwardly you are deeply spiritual, and long for
peace so that you will no longer need the
elegant skills you have aquired.

Who do you fight like?
brought to you by Quizilla

It's my birthday!

Sat, 29 Nov 2003 02:59:01 GMT

It's my birthday and it's the last one. I'm not gonna have anymore after this, so let's drink! A bunch of people are meeting me at Lost Weekend in Alameda. Hope to see you there.

Thanksgiving was good. My family is weird and kooky, so the spread is weird and kooky. Aside from letting my nephew "go boom" on my watch it was a good time. Took my mom to see Elf and we laughed our turkey-stuffed asses off.

now, "who's dirty?", 'cuz Bacardi & cola, they get the job done!

Ooh, my soul

Wed, 26 Nov 2003 22:04:43 GMT

Went out to the hide-away. I love karaoke. I just remembered that I have to call "Larry" about the parts for my RD. Maybe I'll see him friday. His name's not "Larry", but when you help someone steal a parking meter, he's gotta have a name.

Now what to do today. Maybe go to the thrift store.

Virtual House

Tue, 25 Nov 2003 08:14:29 GMT

Last night my housemates were on the couch laughing their asses off. It was another one of those moments where I think our house would make a great reality TV show. You'd watch it. Face it, you'd TiVo that shit and make a night of it!

The word Poly-amorus is haunting the back of my mind. I've been trying to close doors/burn certain bridges for the good of my life. I've become afraid to be alone with women. I think it's healthy.

bummed

Mon, 24 Nov 2003 02:01:23 GMT

Life is crap! I'm depressed. I'm mentally scanning for what I need to change.

BTW, I'm asking everyone to go to Lost Weekend Friday after Thanksgiving to buy me a drink for my birthday.

rather than be boring and bitter...

Sat, 22 Nov 2003 03:13:40 GMT

OK, While I still say you should never trust anyone too well tanned, and my personal opinion is to never trust anyone who smokes Newports, instead of the rant I want to put in here I'll insert...

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles.
As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert. The
saying, "If you don't use it, you will lose it," also applies to the brain.
So--below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of
intelligence.
So take the test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are
still "with it."

The spaces between the questions are so you won't see the answers
until you have given your own. OK--relax, clear your mind, and--begin.

1. What do you put in a toaster?

The answer is "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go
do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go
to Question 2.

2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?

Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next
question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even
overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading
something more appropriate, such as "Children's World."
If you said "water," then proceed to Question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made
from >blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a
black house is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?

Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks," what
the devil are you still doing here reading these questions?? If you
said "glass," then go on to Question 4.

4. (Twenty years ago) A plane is flying at 20,000 feet over
Germany. (If you recall, at that time, Germany was politically divided
into West Germany and East Germany.)
During the flight, TWO of the engines fail. Realizing that the last
remaining
engine is also failing, the pilot decides on a crash landing.
Unfortunately,
before he had time to act, the engine fails, and the plane crashes smack
in the middle of "No Man's Land" between East Germany and
West Germany.
Where would you bury the survivors--East Germany or West Germany
or in "No Man's Land?"

You DON'T bury survivors! If you said ANYTHING else, you are a
real dunce and must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash
--your efforts would not be appreciated! If you said,
"Don't bury the survivors, " then proceed to the next question.

5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute,
then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?

One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than "one
degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are
obviously out of your
league. Turn in your pencil and exit the room! Everyone else proceed to
the final question.

6. (Without using a calculator) You are driving a bus from London
to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus.
In Reading, six people get off the bus, and nine people get on.
In Swindon, two people get off, and four get on. In Cardiff, 11
people get off, and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people
get off, and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off, and
three get on. Then, you arrive at Milford Haven. What's the
name of the bus driver?

Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember? It was YOU! :-)

reeling and stumbling

Wed, 19 Nov 2003 10:00:13 GMT

Sometimes I should listen to that voice in my head that says to make it a blockbuster night. A movie and Mr. Pizzaman won't make you feel like an ass at the end of the night.

I am a karaoke god, though. And I don't care what that bitch Carla and that know-it all mailman says, Norms' a righteous dude. Oh god I need to find a new bar. How long 'til friday?

yeah right

Mon, 17 Nov 2003 07:22:27 GMT

My recent venture into assholedom left a foul taste in my mouth. I' think I'm just comfortable where I'm at.

In other news: Much thanks to Jason for getting me back up and running.

coming in last sucks

Fri, 14 Nov 2003 10:15:27 GMT

OK, so I have to deal with people's perceptions. People are gonna do and say what they want and rationalize it later.

I've been called a nice guy and I've been called an asshole. I think I might as well be an asshole. Being nice isn't getting me anything but a view of the winners ass.

After a night out with the boys, it's clear to me that if a girl is a slut it's not gonna deter guys from going after her, therefore she might as well be a slut. Well, apparently it goes the same for guys.

Love is an illusion. There is no security. The only true active rule in play is "if you wanna get laid, then go get laid".

So here's the thing; Can anyone give me a good reason to be a nice guy?

gunfire is the sound of freedom

Thu, 13 Nov 2003 01:01:37 GMT

NEWS OF THE WEIRD
WEEK OF NOVEMBER 9, 2003

LEAD STORY

In October, West Point, Ky., hosted 12,000 visitors for the weekend Knob Creek Gun Range Machine Gun Shoot, billed as the nation's largest, with a separate competition for flame-throwers. Especially coveted is "The Line," where 60 people (waiting list is 10 years long to be admitted) get to fire their machine guns into a field of cars and boats, and during which a shooter might run through $10,000 in ammunition. Among the champions: Samantha Sawyer, 16, the top women's submachine gunner for the last four years. One man interviewed by the Louisville Courier-Journal said he met his wife at a previous Shoot, knowing that "if she could accept flame-throwing as a hobby, she could accept anything." Said another: "This is one of those times when you know this (the U.S.) is the greatest place on Earth." [Courier-Journal, 10-19-03]

maybe life is fair, and you don't know the rules

Tue, 11 Nov 2003 08:35:12 GMT

Man, I got issues. I carry more guilt than I should. I hold onto a lot of things I should learn to let go. There's a strange echo of my loyalties there.

If you heard the traffic report today, that was my sister that was in the accident in Vasco road. She's home. Shaken, but ok. She's afraid. It's times like these my family knows how to come together. we're...familiar with times like these.

I found myself staring into an empty alley. Rain falling on everything. Same scene. I kept playing the girl in my head over and over, trying to make sense of it all. Maybe there's no sense to be made. I've such loyalties to my painful memories.

I've been watching the success of people who take themselves (and their relations) lightly. Is it to late to change my vote? Can I still become one of the happy, carefree party-goers who can have "just-sex"? Is there a place in that world for a brooding, out-of-shape mongoloid?

No?

Well I didn't want them anyway.